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she's spinning in stardust
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| here comes the feeling you thought you'd forgotten |
[Jan. 5th, 2010|02:54 am] |
Rolled across this old blogspot post in the midst of my 2AM browsing: Nice Girls Don't Use Condoms
and while (once I'm in a LTR, and we've had at least one conversation about the possibility of an unplanned pregnancy, etc) I will drop condoms like they're lubed with anthrax, I have to say... I'm a big fan of being a mean girl. I do like the commenter about halfway down who mentions that condoms 'go against evolution' only slightly before saying that he stands by 'religious principles' for not wearing them.
Soooo many problems with this post. Then again, apparently the non-skank girls who get away with having rubbers in their dresser drawers can only do so because they are ugly and never get laid. It's science! XD
I will say that I don't particularly enjoy condoms, and tend to feel bad for the other party. When it's someone I'm in a monogamous situation with, I try to set up a roadmap to non-barrier methods. I've been told everything from 'I feel nothing with a condom on' to 'I'm uncircumcised and a condom, essentially, circumcises me', and eventually one buys the hype.
Turns out, though, I get a lot more mileage out of my disease-free, para 0 vagina than out of your shiny, perfect hook-up orgasm. *twinkle* |
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| when it comes to love if it ain't rough it isn't fun |
[Jan. 4th, 2010|11:40 pm] |
I replaced my car battery last September, so when the generator light came on a couple of days ago after a few instances of weird electrical maladies, I figured there must be an issue with the connecting terminals and I would have to clean them, which is difficult-but-not-impossible to do without actually taking off the plastic cover that VW uses to keep you from actually having access to any of your engine's parts. >.>
The light stayed on. I texted Derek to ask what other anomalies might be causing it, no answer.
The next day it was a little rough on the turn-over, so I drove around for an hour or so on the freeway to charge up my battery. On my way home I stopped at the pet store, where the car refused to start again. Called Will, then Derek, to see if either had cables/were nearby, ended up calling Diana, who came and jumped my Jetta with hers. It was cute.
Drove home on her jump... well, almost. When I got about a block and a half from home, the car decided it couldn't power my lights anymore, so they turned off. Then a bunch of warning lights came on. Then my dashboard indicators all went black except for the warning lights. About halfway up the driveway, the car gave up completely. I pushed it into the parking spot and then texted Derek again ("Help me, Derek Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope!"). He called back and confirmed my suspicion that it was probably my alternator failing, and gave me a brief estimate of what kind of parts/labor are involved.
Today I limped the car to the mechanic and then went home to wait for a verdict. Turns out my beautiful v6 engine is special-needs and has to be removed from the car in order to get to the alternator, which compounds the labor time by quite a bit. The $150 dollar job thus turned to a $700 job.
Somewhere in the middle of this I got a call from my mom saying she has secured a lawyer and is now working on her living will and her... regular will? her 'dead' will? Oh, legal writing. Anyway, she's getting those written up and has a bunch of documentation in place now in case Dad murders her. Which is starting to feel like a regular background concern in our lives. So. This lawyer is taking on the court case, and I'm supposed to go meet with him next week.
I can't have my car back until tomorrow at the earliest, while they wait for parts, so I'm trapped in my house and can't move anything to the new place or get to work/rehearsal without a 4 hour commute. Wooo.
So it goes. |
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| what church do you belong to? I'm hoping they won't ask |
[Jan. 3rd, 2010|01:21 pm] |
Ugh. There is nothing in me that cares that rehearsal is starting again today. Over it.
Of course, rehearsals today, school tomorrow (and work - hooray), and then the first meeting with the New Lawyer is on Friday. A week of faaaaantastic beginnings.
Need to finish the email to Dad and just send it.
Maybe if we all let him know what we think of him and that we're severing ties all at once, he'll go away, in more-or-less permanent ways as befit his whims.
Mom emailed him. I thought she should keep her foot out of it, but letting them make their own mistakes is part of raising... parents? >.>
About a third of my stuff, not counting furniture, is moved in to Josh's. Not sure how I'm going to get the rest of this furniture there now that Josh (and all hope of a moving van) is out of town. Kind of up a creek.
Okay, am showered, must dress, pack laptop, and head out the door for this Ever So Fun theater day. *grumpgrump* |
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| 2010 |
[Jan. 3rd, 2010|12:10 pm] |
New Years Eve was spent with Noel, having a Project Runway marathon & reading the long-awaited Asylum Book by Emilie Autumn, and there was nowhere else I would have rather been.
2010 is going to be a wonderful year. I am so blessed with everything I have - an amazing partner, a career that I enjoy & challenges me, stepkids I adore, special friends. This year, I am going to marry my soulmate (♥), and travel to Europe & the US. There are exciting things happening at work at the moment, potential opportunities to learnlearnlearn, & more study in the latter half of 2010 which will only help me further. I am going to improve my cooking skills & read more books & get back into scrapbooks & paper journalling & other creative outlets, and continue to nurture those friendships that are truly worth having.
I am looking forward, and I am excited by what is ahead, and what is here, right now. No need to look back, or to live in the past; life is about moving forwards and I am glad to do so.
Here's to an amazing 2010. |
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| nothing I can do I'm helpless in your arms nothing I can do to stop |
[Dec. 31st, 2009|10:08 pm] |
It's the last post of 2009. We're ready to leave the noughties and begin the onesies!
1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
Moved into an apartment totally alone.
2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I think my resolution was 'get the hell out'. Win!
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Diiiiana
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Many times over.
5. What countries did you visit?
I did zero traveling outside Cali.
6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Purpose? Direction? ... a stable, healthy relationship?
7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory?
The day I got inked and... I guess the day I had surgery, though I don't really remember too much of it.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
God, I don't think I got anything done. I guess the most difficult thing I accomplished all year was getting an inmate transferred to a local facility and arranging a police escort so he could visit his dying kid. And/or getting the marines to send a guy back from overseas for the same purpose. The government is my bitch.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Oh, I guess my finances. Or that art class.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I had swine flu, bitches! Also, surgery right beforehand, so I got a gnarly infection and my incision smelled really delightful for a week or so.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
My food processor which Josh just broke D: D: D:
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Josh, for making it through an awful fucking few months after the Lacey Situation came out.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Josh, for totally blowing off the 'I need her out of my life' thing and consistently putting Liz in my peripheral line of sight.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Rent, good god. And my car.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
God, probably that loser I dated for a couple of months who seemed like a class act. Also, every single day that Eryn was here.
16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
That one song by fall out boy.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
Happier.
17a. thinner or fatter?
Probably about the same. I don't have my records from a year ago.
17b. richer or poorer?
Poorer. I wasn't paying rent this time last year. :-p
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Travel, academic classes.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Sitting at home worrying about how things are going to turn out.
20. Did you fall in love in 2009?
Not really. I guess I had a couple of friendships develop to the point that I love those people (Eryn, Derek, Jeni), but no like... butterflies and romance shit.
21. How many one night stands?
Two. Win?
22. What was your favourite TV program?
Glee. It's a show I love to hate.
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Hm. Compared to now, my feelings about my father were very blithely ambivalent last year.
24. What was the best book you read?
That's really hard. I read a lot. Little Brother, by Cory Doctorow, was excellent. Also Cloud Atlas, by David Mitchell. Of course, Twilight is the best book anyone has ever read ever. ;)
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Empires / The Airborne Toxic Event
26. What did you want and get?
My own apartment.
27. What did you want and not get?
Admission to SJSU (yet >.>)
28. What was your favourite film of this year?
I can't believe Diana has only seen the movies she and I watched together. I say. Uh. Probably still Glory At Sea, from Cinequest. Short but relentless.
29. What did you do on your birthday?
A lot of nothing and then dinner with the O'Havers. My party was the night before, and was probably the nicest party in terms of feeling loved and "celebrated" (or whtvr) since I turned 21. It also, however, marked 3 years since Frank has made it out for my birthday, which is sad. :(
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Knowing that I was going to a university in 2010
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
"I hate doing laundry in public laundry rooms"?
32. What kept you sane?
Living alone, the cat, Eryn/Diana.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
NeiPalm. (Neil Gaiman/Amanda Palmer)
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Gay marriage.
35. Who did you miss?
Eryn. :( :( :(
36. Who was the best new person you met?
Ummm I choose Derek, who I had met many times, but got to know this year. :)
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
I can do it by myself.
Day 25 -- Your day, in great detail
Presumably this refers to the day of the 25th, when I was at work. I worked 7AM to 7PM, and started off pretty slow. The unit census has been hanging around 5 or 6 this week, as we tend to try and clear beds to get ready for the holiday rush. Some guy out in the boonies decided to give each member of his family a bullet to the brain for Christmas, so we were getting a bunch of donated organs by one or two. One of my patients lives on the reservation near Bakersfield and has come in a couple of times for an organ transplant that keeps falling through. This happened again this time, but at least the patient is able to go home between times. Another patient, who is beyond the point of being able to leave the hospital while waiting for an organ, got a split liver donation, and I got to hang out with the momma while she heard that baby was getting a new liver. Everyone on the unit is pretty familiar with this kiddo, so there was a lot of holiday merriment.
None of the other cases were particularly remarkable until we got a 9 year old who had ridden a motorbike into the street and suffered traumatic amputation of the jaw when the helmet (which was thankfully being worn, and properly) caught on the fender of a car and ripped off of the face, taking it's favorite face-parts with.
Felt pretty bad, because all I could think was how incredibly bad ass this was. Did manage not to point this out to parents.
Another long-term patient s/p-op for a nasopharyngeal tumor resection and subsequent evac of fat pack started having uncontrolled secretions and ALOC, so there was the emergency CT that showed all kinds of fuckery going on in the brain and then the emergent intubation and mad dash to the OR to put in new fat pack around the intubation and hope that we can keep the brains in the brain pan. All of this started as my shift was supposed to end, but my relief called to say she would be late, so I ended up running around for another hour or so getting things done and then called Mindy to say I was finally leaving.
Went to Mindy's parents house to visit with her and meet Kobey. Had much-needed tea and then did the thing that I seem to always do when I visit people right out of work and don't take any time to decompress in between where I just talk incessantly about work/medicine and steer every conversation back to "I have this patient" until someone else talks for an extended period of time and I'm allowed to shut my brain off. Eventually realized it was ridiculously late as I had to get up at 5:30 again the next morning, thanked Mindy for tea, left.
Day 26 -- Your week, in great detail
Worked. Played a lotta farmville. Painted and packed. Not much detail to give, without doing the exhaustive patient write-ups that remove all gender pronouns. >.>
Day 27 -- This month, in great detail
I started it out with the swine flu, apparently, so I missed all the exciting weather that hit the area around the first week of the month being unconscious 90% of the time and nearly motionless with misery through the rest of it. I was out of work for two weeks, missed my final exams, and had a ridiculous number of 'house calls' from doctor friends who do clinic hours at the hospital across the street from me (as Stanford tends to farm out clinic hours to 'sister hospitals') and I suspect wanted excuses to stick needles in me. :(
I was probably not back to full strength until the 15th or so, though after the 9th I was leaving the house under my own power to go lie sadly on Josh's couch and watch LOST and cough pathetically. Turns out that laying basically immobile for two weeks straight is pretty hard on whatever muscle tone you might have had, and afterward I found things like opening jars and lifting packed boxes of belongings to be more challenging than before. Gave my 30 days notice on my apartment, developed increasing panic as I began moving things into Josh's house that he had made precisely no space for, started accumulating large piles of boxes and resentment in my living room. Convinced my mom that what I really needed for giftmas was paint to do my furniture and new bedroom walls. Have been working on said project. House smells like paint. Ran out of money in a severe way, lived for three weeks on $40 plus occasional bailouts from Mom. Went to family holiday dinner without extensive suffering. Worked a lot. Wrote 95% of a response to my father's emails. Cannot come up with a good summation to sign off with besides "In conclusion: you suck. Big time." and have used this as an excuse not to send.
Day 28 -- This year, in great detail
Really? This is livejournal. Any details I wanted you to have are already in the blog.
Day 29 -- Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
I'm not usually a resolutions person, but here are my goals for the year:
-get more politically active
-get into a university
-join a gym (woooo everyone's goal)
-reconnect with old friends/get better at emails/... meet new people? o_o
-travel outside the US
Day 30 -- Whatever tickles your fancy
Ummm have a download link for the album I've been listening to for the last couple of days:
Tidal, by Fiona Apple
And a song that strikes me as true every time I run across it again:
High School Never Ends, by Bowling for Soup
aaaand I'll hit my top ten new/unexpecteds in the next coupla days, since I want to get this posted before midnight hits and I have things to do at the moment. |
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| it's a typical tuesday night listening to the type of music she doesn't like |
[Dec. 28th, 2009|07:22 pm] |
(This entry from the 25th is abruptly truncated by two emergent admissions and one traumatic amputation of the jaw. It appears now, late, courtesy of LJ's autosave)
Giftmas in the PICU. Woooo. Nothing heinous so far, just a bunch of organ transplants (where we are straight recipients, not harvesting, and not caring for the cadaverous donor kids).
Tumors capable of re-seeding themselves in inflamed post-chemo tissues I find this article half-obvious and half-fascinating.
Did the family dinner thing last night, which was awkard-but-not-painful, and a tremendous improvement over last year. I felt like a lout having come totally empty-handed. My brother wrapped and gifted me a movie I loaned him several months ago, though, so. XD Mom finally capitulated early this week to giving me a primary gift of paint for my new room and furniture. I've finished painting both of my dressers and all but three small drawers. They're all a lovely light-plummy color, with white knobs. Hopefully they will be dry enough when I get home from ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) solconeja 's that I can reattach knobs-to-drawers and move at least one of the dressers out of the kitchen and into the living room. Josh offered to borrow a truck from work between today and NYE to move large stuff, and I'll need to move the bookcases whether they're painted or not, since I have 30 boxes of stuff, only one of which is not at least half books. >.>
I will probably try to minimize the number of times that Will has to come over and help me load things into Mom's car, since when he dropped me off last night he totally scraped Mom's car against one of the car-port support pipes and gouged a good two feet of paint. Somewhat ironic, since he drove the whole night (San Jose to Pleasanton to Hayward to San Jose) and I was thinking on the way home that I should give up the anxiety I feel every time I sit in the passenger seat with him, as I have plenty of friends that have way more terrifying driving habits (*delicate cough*) who I ride with when needed.
Here's the retrospective First-sentence-of-each-month thing:
January: Have Eryn. Have been rambling around the bay area making adventures everywhere.
February: I was not aware that Diana's life was so empty without me on the internet.
March: If I do not do laundry in the morning, may God smite me where I stand.
April: "Rules: Mostly There To Keep You Safe"
May: Oh, there are some things I could tell you, LJ.
June: Ugh. Insomnia has been kicking my ass lately.
July: I am SO over the way things are going at work.
August: They broke up my schedule a little bit more at work so that I only have the next five days on [after today] rather than the next 9.
September: Last weekend was so fun!
October: In other news: I have a laptop!
November: Soooo I came home from my long day, and there are like 15 cop cars, plus ambulances and etc, in the street in front of my apt.
December: Okay, I know that HuffPo is really just a gossip-mongering rag piece, but it's one of those ones that still gets to masquerade as "News" because a lot of the public that is literate is not particularly discerning.
and the meme I owe Diana:
Comment and I'll:
a) Tell you why I friended you.
b) Associate you with something -- a fandom, song, colour, photo, etc.
c) Tell you something I like about you.
d) Tell you a memory I have of you.
e) Ask you something I've wanted to know about you.
f) Tell you my favourite userpic from your list.
g) In return, you need to post this on your own journal |
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